AS much as I wanted this blog to be my success story with healthy weight and healthy living, it is no longer in me to do it.

It is a constant struggle with my husband. He wants me to be thin and healthy and quit smoking, and exercise and be all perfect. But he also wants, all his laundry done, great breakfast, lunch, dinner, Ironed shirts, clean house, help him with the farm, check my own oil, change my own tires, fill my own radiator, take care of the banking, the bills, insurance, govt. farm programs, make sure we have hashbrowns, gravy, every night and bacon or sausage and eggs every morning, and don't interupt any of his schedule, it's ok for me to exercise or go to Weight Watchers or watch the biggest loser or take a walk.

As long as I take care of everything, and nothing I want to do interferes with his happiness, I can do what I want. Of course that is also after working 50 hours a week, outside the home.

I'm just to tired to even try anymore.

I made plans last night to go see my siste who live 80 miles away and have lunch and hang out. I only get to see her about 4 times a year. This also included taking a vacation day from work. My God, you'd have thought I wanted to go on a 10 day cruise without him. I"m going to cancel the whole thing.

I could still go, but he will probably call me 10 times in the 6 hours I'll be gone. It just isn't worth the hassle. None of it is worth the hassle anymore.

I have no friends, except his. His parents live 9 miles away. My Mom lives 40, it's an act of congress fo me to go once every 2 months. But he goes to see his folks a couple of times a week.

I am his right hand hired farm hand around the farm. Yeah I can do a lot of stuff, but, God forbid, I want to clean up and put on something besides my grubbies to go have a beer. "What you want to clean up for? You got a boyfriend?"

NO, I don't even have a girlfriend. What is so wrong with wanting to clean up a bit and put on a good pair of jeans and something besides a sweatshirt?

I dunno!? I'm just tired of fighting for 1 hour a week to go to weight watchers and 2 hours a week to watch the biggest loser and another 3 or 4 hours a week, to take care of myself.

i just can't do it anymore! I know that I am supposed to care, and I do, but being married, he's supposed to care at least a little.